Brian T Shirley Comedian/Writer/Actor/TV Show Host

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Life/Road stories

The Toymaker

Posted by briantshirley on April 13, 2011 at 12:29 PM

  Back in the days of the first Gulf War, I was keeping the U.S. safe at Dyess,AFB in Abilene TX., by partying and chasing women. Hey, someone had to do it. One weekend, me and my fellow airman Jared Derringer, decided we would venture out to Dallas, TX., for a few days and take up the chase there, as to give  the women in Abilene a break.

 On our second night in Dallas, we were heading out to the clubs when I came up with a plan on how we would approach and engage our quarry. We would not tell the women we met we were in the Air Force, we would come up with another career or job or whatever, just for the hell of it. Sounds brillant, right? Yeah, right. I decided I would be a Business Broker, which I had no idea at the time and still don't know what exactly a business broker does or if they exist. I knew, though, I could B.S. my way through it. ( B.S. is my intitials you know.) Jared had not decided what his false occupation would be before we started drinking and carousing, but it wasn't a big deal, I knew he'd come up with something.

 At some point we ran into a group of about 6 or 8 women and statred talking to them. The next thing I knew I was dancing with one of them and Jared was doing the same. The woman and I finished dancing to  a couple of songs and we made our way back to the group, who by the way, turned out to be a bunch of elementary grade school teachers. The lady I had danced with asked me what I did and my line of crap automatically started flowing. I knew i was doing good because she was just as confused as I was. Then I heard Jared and his girl coming back from the dance floor, and I say " heard" because she had him by the hand, was pulling him towards us and was excitedly yelling, " Guess what he does for a living, guess what he does!!!"  Of course, I was just as interested as the women in finding out what Jared's occupation was, as he had not informed me of it, because we were too busy partying and chasing women. Then she stunned me by saying " He's a toymaker, he makes toys." The lady I was talking to asked what her friend had said about Jared's career, I replied while trying to keep a striaght face, " umm, he designs kids toys, he's a toymaker". " Wow, neat" she said.

 Later on, after the ladies had left and we were headed back to the hotel I just looked at Jared and said " Toymaker, huh?!"

 " Well, she told me she was a school teacher, so I figured, hey,  teacher....kids... toys,.... toymaker"

 Jared actually had "Toymaker" put on the back of his softball jersey for the squadron team. God bless you , Jared my friend. I wonder if he ever got that position at the north pole.

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