Brian T Shirley Actor/Comedian/Writer

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Life/Road stories

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"JUMP!" I said.

Posted by briantshirley on November 6, 2009 at 9:25 AM Comments comments (2)

 Remember when you were 16 yrs old, you just started driving and, you did really stupid things? This tale is about all that.

  I was a junior at Osborne High school, on the wrestling team, and I drove a 1972 Chevy Nova that was various shades of brown. The car had a bad carburator.( Back then cars had those as well as manual windows, 8-track players, and were made of steel.) The car had a  bad habit of stalling because of the Carb. and on this particular evening I'm describing I had 3 of my fellow wrestlers with me. We had just  finished with a match at a rival school and had climbed into my beast to go home. I suggested we wait and let the car warm up for a while once it got started, my fellow wrestlers/mechanics would have none of this. Let me tell you about them real quick as it is important to the story. Seated behind me in the back was the sophmore Gary Shagnon, beside him was my fellow junior Scott "Scooter"  Sullivan, who had the biggest afro I have ever seen on a white person, and next to me, up front , was sophmore Terry Daniels, the shortest of all of us. I started to ease out of the parking lot,which wasn't easy because to the left was a big curve in the road where you couldn't see oncoming traffic until the last second. I sat at the exit/entrance to the parking lot and determined that it was safe to go, then I gunned it! The first 5 to 7 feet of progress were great, then Mr. Carb decided he was tired and gave up the ghost. We stalled in the middle of the road, yet we were still coasting off the first great burst of energy. I tried to start the car 4 or 5 times in vain, we were still rolling and I could not stop the car because the brakes weren't working since the car was off. Just then a truck came around the corner headed straight for us. I'm not sure why I did what I did next, (yes I do I was 16) but I panicked and yelled at my fellow passengers " JUMP!!".  Then I leapt out of the car I was driving, slammed the door behind me, ran back across the road and was nearly hit by the truck I was jumping out of my car to avoid. It was a good thing Gary didn't jump, because the door I slammed as I was exiting would have crushed his head. When I turned around  I saw my car slowly rolling towards the big ditch on the other side of the road. In the street lights I could see Gary trying to steer the car leaning over the drivers seat from his position in the backseat. I could barely make out Terry trying to get his short legs over to the brakes, and Scooter covering his head and sinking to some safe spot in the floorboard. The last thing I heard, as the Nova went into the ditch, were the gears griding as Gary  tried to put the car in park as a way of stopping or slowing it's progress. When the vehicle did come to a stop in the ditch several cars had pulled over by this time. My former passengers exited the beast and a woman who was now standing beside me asked " Where's the driver ? ". " I'm the driver" I said, as her face turned to shock and dismay. Thank God I made it past 16, I'll never drive a Nova again chief!!!

There's a joke book upstairs

Posted by briantshirley on October 19, 2009 at 11:44 PM Comments comments (3)

  Waaaaay before I ever thougt of becoming a comedian, I was a young kid living in Marietta, Ga. Right off Powder Springs Rd. in Belemede condos. We lived in a two story apartment, and that's important to remeber for this short tale. At some point my mom bought me and my brother a joke book. Yes, she new we were smart alecs and did it anyway. Well one day my mom or my stepdad (most likely him) made a really lame joke and I said " Hey, you know there's a joke book upstairs". That was it. Anytime anybody said something they thought might be funny and wasn't, they were told about the joke book upstairs. Even people like my grandparents, my uncle or friends that didn't even know the joke book existed were told about the second floor publication as soon as they tried to be funny. I have to admit we were pretty relentless. This slam lasts even to this day in my family and I live in a single level apartment. My mother would have to say the joke book was on the roof as she lives on the top floor of her complex! I'm just worried that now that I have written my own joke book that  A) It will  be put upstairs.  B) If somebody reads something in it that they don't think is funny they will to put it downstairs, or  C) Someone will read  this post, see me on stage and if I say something that bombs they will  inform me that "THERE'S A JOKE BOOK UPSTAIRS"!